It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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