On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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