By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
