we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
