Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
