Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
