Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Boobs speak an international language.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
