I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
