Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
