i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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