why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
