i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
