So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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