You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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