I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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