Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
