Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just had sex bonerless
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
