what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
