Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
