i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
