I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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