So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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