Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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