dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
