I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
