yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
then he tried to convert me to islam
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
