I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
