you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
