You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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