Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
