All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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