drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
