Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
