So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
