First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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