I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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