ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
