Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
