I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize