i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
