Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
