People in love make me want to vomit
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
