Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
its liver damage thursday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
