My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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