Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
