I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
