Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
