I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
