Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
