I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you didnt know i had herpes?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
