I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
