Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
