I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize