I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
