I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
