If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
