I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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