i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
