and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
well you can't waste a boner
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
