i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
