i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
